Mother Nature is a Bitch

Okay so I am wondering who the hell messed with the internal clocks of all the females in this house? I am so tired right now I can't keep my peepers open. I believe I know who is behind all of this crap that goes on in the four walls of this lovely abode. Mother Nature is the bitch that is causing me to lose my not so stable mind. I could not sleep last night at all. I tried. I even had me a nice glass of wine to help bring on Mr. Sandman....however I believe he was gettin busy with that skank Mother Nature. The baby was so cranky and didn't want to go to sleep which isn't unusual for her but the fight she put up last night was one that could be likened to that of the great Muhammad Ali! She was not going to be taken down and she flailed around the bed like nobody's business pulling out strands of my hair with every move. After two hours of crying, screaming, pinching, and pulling she finally collapsed. It was already midnight and I thought she was out so I could finally get some rest. What the hell was I thinking? I tried to close my eyes but random thoughts of nothing kept running through my mind. I tossed`and turned until about 3am when I finally dozed off. Not for long though...no...not in this circus! I was awoken to sounds of my ten year old drama queen and my 20 year old bipolar child in the kitchen fighting over the last piece of pizza from supper. I'm not talking just a little spat...I'm talking full fledged name calling, hands flying, running around the island fighting. I rolled over and grabbed my cell phone thinking that I had overslept and then had to wipe my eyes a few times because my cell said it was 4am. Okay let me rethink this whole situation before I get up and go in there and take them both out with one felt swoop. Yep, I lost it. I got up stormed into the kitchen and let loose forgetting to grab some bottoms to put on. So there I stood ranting and raving like a wild woman in my itty bitty bikini panties and my ever so loved "shut your whore mouth" t-shirt. I don't think they took me too seriously but it was enough to send them both back to bed. As I staggered back to my bedroom I noticed the commotion had woke up our dear dog Daisy. Now there she was sitting in her crate bellowing like someone had branded her with a hot iron. I thought I could ignore it and she would shut up. Well, hell no! She just kept barking and yodeling (yes, these dogs yodel and talk...look it up). So up my ass comes back out of bed to take the stupid dog out to relieve her always full bladder. Well don't you know it can't just be a nice little pee and back inside...nope she sees Smores (our new kitty) sitting on the back porch. Katie bar the door....she pulls me across the breezeway and I trip on our cute little water spicket and take a rolling tumble into the screened in porch where she attacks the kitty like some crazed rabid wild animal. The whole time remember I am in my panties...yes I forgot again. After I pull the cat from the dog's mouth and manage to gain control of her leash again I drag her kitty loving ass inside and let her know what a bad dog she is. I finally make it back to my bed where there is mittens with eyes wide open and a big two teeth grin spread across her face. She is ready for a bottle and to rock the day. As I glance at my clock it is now 5:30am and guess what? Drama queen has to be up for school in 20 minutes. Screw sleep...who needs it? I am beyond beauty sleep...it just isn't going to help me anymore. I am a worn down frazzled mess who rarely gets to shower daily or even manage to take a pee by myself anymore. So you know what....screw you Mother Nature for all that you do including messing with everyone's internal clocks! I hope you are having a swell time with Mr. Sandman.....he has herpes anyway!!!